Please write a 150 word essay based on your own topics. As previously briefed, the use of standard writing organization; Introduction, Body, Conclusion and also the exposure of discourse markers will help you improving the quality of your writing.
Happy writing folks!
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23 comments:
SergeantSuhendi
Modern Technology.
To obtain their second daily needs, people have discovered some new methods since the twentieth century. Every country modernize some things in many aspects such as in transportation, communication, defense force systems, and so on. Accordingly, they get a lot of benefits from modern technology which can conduct a variety of goals in the community and global society. In contrast, there are some disadvantages of modern technology that creates terrible impact for people.
Consequently, some people have explored and exploited modern technology in good behavior. For example in communication, albeit citizens live in remote area, thus they are able to converse with each other anyway. Moreover people can learn current issues all over the world easily and rapidly because of modern technology. On the other hand, some bad impacts occurred in the society due to modern technology. For instance, some countries compete with each other in implementing and exploiting recent technology which end up in dispute or war is the last decision.
To conclude, we realize that actually modern technology is very important and useful in the community and global environment. Nevertheless, it depends on humans’ behavior in determining and exploiting methods of modern technology.
Lt Popon
Language Testing Objectives
In terms of education, the use of test has become more frequent in many countries. The educational systems in some societies are still dominated by test or formal test. In this essay, I would like to talk about language testing. How to make a good test, is still the main topic among teachers, especially the language teachers. Let's begin by analysing the characteristics of a good test. There are two main aspects of a good test, for instance validity and reliability.
Firstly, the test must be valid which means that the test should measure what it is intended to measure and nothing else. There are some aspects of validity for the teacher or tester. When a test measures what it is intended to measure and nothing else, it is valid. Validity is the extent to which a test measures what it is intended to measure. Most important kinds of validity are content and face validity. Content validity means that the test accurately reflects the syllabus on which it is based. The purpose of assessment list to ensure that the test reflects all areas to be assessed in suitable proportion. In addition to validity, we have to think about the face validity which means that the test looks a good one. What teachers and students think of the test , it is a reasonable way of assessing students.
Secondly, a good test must be reliable. The reliable of a test is its consistency. In other words, tape measure that stays the same length all the time as opposed to a piece of elastic. Same result should be obtained wherever the tape measure is used. There are some important aspects of a test reliability,namely:
Circumstances in which the test is taken, the way in which it is marked and the uniformity of assessment it makes.
To sump up, a good teacher should ask himself/herself before setting a test. Knowing the charactistics of a good test as I described earlier, is strongly recommanded not only to language teachers but also to all teachers in order to measure the student's ability accurately.
Lieutenant Endah
CAUSE AND EFFECTS OF FLOODS IN JAKARTA
Floods rank high among the natural events that have devastating effects on people's lives and property. Many low-lying areas (like in Jakarta for instance) are flooded frequently, as a result of human activity and high tides,specially when assisted by heavy rainfall.
Human activity that changes the surface of the earth by building something on it also effects the water cycle and can cause floods. For example, there are many houses, building, parking lots and roads replace grass and tress. In addition, there is a lot of plastic waste chocking the river which leads to flood when heavy rainfall comes. Under normal circumtances, soil acts like a sponge and soaks up a fair portion of rain water. But in crowded city like Jakarta, rain water flows into sewers and drainage dithes and at times, over loaded them. If the flood is severe enough, destruction of buildings/houses that can contain a large array of toxic materials (paints, pesticides, gasoline, etc) can cause the release of these materials into the local environment or river, which is not good. Consequently, it will be potential possibility for widespread health problems, particularly dealing with dengue fever, colds and flues including avian influenza as well as diarheal and skin diseases or any waterborne diseases. Furthermore, when the flood ends, many people were left without homes. The power of water stream can carry anything, including houses and the stuff inside, cars, etc and damage them.
To sum up, floods in Jakarta are caused by not only high tides of heavy rainfalls but also the human activities that leads to floods which bring negative effects such as health problems, property destruction and homeless people.
JULIA. DIBI
How to take care our children
In family community, there is the rule for parents that is how to take care the children. As a mother, we must be patience to give our kid knowledge as much as possible. Not only the mother will care for their children but also father can do the same thing. Usually, the mother is more capable than the father who has experience to handle their children problems.
Parents must be conscious to give education for their children. In fact, father as the leader in his family community so he has to be decision maker what he wants do. Moreover, the father must be a good personal for his children and also his wife. If the father wants his family be successfully in forever, thus, he has to give a good example for everything. As a father always give direction for his wife and his wife will be conduct all directions for their children. For instance, if the father always busy in his job so he must consider to take care their family through his wife. Accordingly, the children always care their parents.
In summary, we conscious that the welfare of family community that is depending on the parents to take care their children. Children have a good behaviour which means reflection of the parents background.
The Effects of Toys to Children
Have you ever think that toys have some effects to children? High technology gives influences to the human being especially children lifes.
Due to the progress of high technology, it is very easy for us to find any kind of toys to our children. However, as a wise parents we have to pay
more attention to this condition because playing with toys not only give positive effects but also negative effects to children.
As a toddler, a child needs any suplements to his or her brain. Toys are the alternatives. Children can imagine something by using certain toys.
They can also enlarge their their knowledge by using some toys like internet. Then, they can create, imitate and imply their creativities through toys.
Moreover, the toys should be suitable to their age, gender and needs. The more they use their brain to think and do something the better so that
their brain will not be stuck.
Besides giving some benefits, toys sometives also giving bad influences to children. They may think that toys are everything. Everywhere and everytime
they go they always think of having toys as his or her friends. Some children like playing play station at home rather than playing with his friends.
Some girls prefer to play with their dolls to her friends. This condition happen to our life now.
Parents should be wise. They should control their children activities including paying attention to their children's toys. Parents must be able to choose
which toys are suitable to their childen. Toys are important but having socialisation with the environtment is also the important thing.Parents must think
about that. Furthermore, thinking before selecting toys is the best way to show our loves to our children.
There can be no doubt that toys are important things to children in order to keep their brain working. Parents must be wise in selecting toys which are
suitable to their children.
Mariani
THE IMPACT OF CHILD ABUSE IN THE FAMILY
Many people just don’t realize that they have abused their children unconsciously. They think that it is part of how they educate their kids. Children who had experienced some abuse in their family tend to have introvert personality. In the following, there will be more explanation about aspects that may lead to child abuse, and the impact of the abuse on children’s mental development.
Let’s take Jakarta as an example of a location where child abuse often occurs. Being the most densely-populated city in Indonesia, Jakarta faces a number of social problems , namely poverty, lack of housing area and high crime rate. A lot of people are still living in poverty in Jakarta. Their poor financial condition has surely become a big burden for the family and made them struggle hard for life. Some people just can’t bear this kind of pressure so that they become bad tempered and impatient especially to their children who are sometimes very demanding. Children need love, affection, comfort and fulfillment of their needs from their parents. Unfortunately, some parents don’t realize this and they think that the children are just being spoiled. So, they often give hard physical punishment to their children when they do wrong. They are slapped on the face or beaten. Children who often has this experience will have bad mental development. They are usually quiet, and afraid of showing their opinion. They also become introvert and feel unsafe to be around their parents.
All in all, it is obvious that child abuse in the family will not bring any benefits either for parents or children and it only give bad effects on them. So, parents must understand that their children are gift to be looked after with love and tenderness.
BY ANA - DIBI
The Benefits of Joint Exercise within Indonesian Armed forces
Have you ever noticed that joint exercises conducted by Indonesian armed forces with other potential military partners still call many contradictory questions to answer? The basic idea of joint exercises refers military events in which military personnel are deployed to train. By this opinion, the writer argues that joint exercises held by our military institutions with other counterparts reveal great long term benefits to obtain. I am going to clarify certain factors contributing to the awesome long term benefits of joint exercises within our armed forces namely the nature of joint exercises, the advantages and the role of joint exercises within our armed forces.
According to the National Defense University publication the term joint exercise refers to “high profile, short-term events in which military personnels are deployed to train according to a series of scenario or conditions that they might face as a part of their operational duties.’ By this notion, military interactions involve three basic activities namely : field operation exercises, command post exercises and seminars. The first type deals exactly with actual operation exercise in the field focusing on the improvement of military skills rather than the decision making procedures. The second term often relies on computer applications guiding the decision makers through a series of scenarios. It is normally held in one central location like armed force headquarters. The third concentrates more on the skill and knowledge exchange through lecture and classroom style discussions. Hence the three basic activities of joint exercises are obviously high in terms of operational cost and personnel deployment.
The advantages of joint exercises cover some integral areas that they can perform as intensive empowerment of military facilities and training through the exchange of military skills and knowledge with other foreign military partners. In addition to this advantage, joint exercises often show off the actual power of our military abilities and those foreign military partners as well. In fact, joint exercises also give benefits in building the interpersonal relationship between neighboring countries like one held by Indonesia navy with US naval force in July 2005. The program called CARAT stands for Cooperation Afloat Readiness Training. US employs three combat ships, one aircraft carrier and a group of coast guard training team.
The roles of joint exercises indeed replies for four basic benefits namely : Improving the interoperability ( the ability of unit to provide services, to accept the services from other units or forces and to apply those services exchanged so that those units are able to operate together effectively) of Indonesian Armed forces and its military counterparts. Furthermore they also construct interpersonal relationship and force collaboration. Joint exercises often give confidence building measures between neighboring countries. The last role is that if they involve infrastructure constructions ,joint exercises serve a tangible example of armed forces commitment to the development of the country .
Shortly speaking joint exercises indeed reveals great long term benefits to get if the missions planned accomplished successfully. They enrich not only the military skills and knowledge but also some critical factors contributing the long term relationship between countries for the forthcoming years.
By : Siti Rejeki DIBI
Lieutenamt Asat
THE EFFECT OF TELEVISION
Now,more ever than ever,Television has become common to thousands people in Indonesia.Eventhough the development of Internet,TV has still become one of a crucial sources to get the latest information.Based on the statement above, I would like to discuss about the advantages or disadvantages of watching television.
There are many variety programs can be seen by people in 24 hours,like sports,news,Infotainments,and music. So that TV has a significant role in daily activities.as result,practically all people want to spend their time infront of the TV wacthing their favourite program.Normally, everyone argues with their own opinion that TV can give them many adventages in their life,for instance,getting latest information from all over the world like crime news,sport news,life style from the other countries ect. TV also provides Infotainment programs that it can waste our leasure time especially after finishing daily work.But the most important point that TV be able to open the area of thinking.On the other hand, TV also provides some programs that is inapproprite for our children development,for example,crime news,Infotainment,mistic programs and violence programs like WCW that was anounced by one of private tv stastions.Recently ,we heard one of the bad impacts from TV for the children that they adopted WCW ( free boxing)style without any guide from the expert,so they got injured.
In conclusion,What ever the program that is wacthed by children, we as adult or parents must guide them and give them explanation of the program. We tell them that is an appropriate or inappropriate program for them, so we can minimize the bad impact of TV program especially for our children.
TRANSPORTATION IN INDONESIA
Indonesia consists of many islands which are separeted by Hindia ocean and Atlantic ocean. It makes a serious problem for our country and
it is difficult for communicating each other. Lacking technology and knowledge influence our public transpotation. The most indonesian people live
in rural area, they still use tradItional transportation. They They think that they don't have any choice.
The public transportation in our country is rapidly increasing now. The globalization epoch has effect in all sector,including transportation.
as we know that there are many kinds of public transportation like bus, plane, train and ship. all of them help us for supporting our job
and we can enjoy all of them. We don't need much time or energy when we go from one place to another place.Every one tries to catch up high technology
and knowledge. Besides, human resource is one of the important factors which can influence our public transportation, for instance, if someone doesn't
have capability for driving bus, he will get an accident. so it is better someone to join in training or course of driving. The indonesian goverment has
to pay attention to manage our public transportation. It means that public transportation will be increasing in the future. Moreover,the goverment must
control about the quality and quantity of public transportation itself.
Finally, the goverment has to be active to manage and to find the best ways about our public transportation. As a good citizen, we also have
responsible to support our goverment program. Edo
Lieutenant Esti
Air Pollution In Indonesia
Air pollution is perhaps Indonesia's most severe environmental problem. Motor vehicles are one of the sources of air pollution in Indonesia. Many of these vehicles are motorcycles or scooter, which lack of the catalyctic converters to avoid or to reduce emissions. Forest fire also one of the sources of air pollution, which is result from illegal logging of indonesia's rain forests. It causes the forest burned and producing a haze. As a result, Indonesia face a number of serious problems dealing with air pollution.
Air pollution has a very serious impact on public health, for instance, inflammation of the respiratory tract, which is the sixth causing of the death in indonesia after accidents, diarrhea, cardiovascular disease, tuberculosis and measles. Moreover, the children in Indonesia have high enough potential to be affected in their cognitive development which is caused by air pollution. So far, the government has been done such a good step, for instance, by giving some instruction through the media how to use and take care of motor vehicles in order to reduce the air pollution.
Air pollution is the bigest problem that faced by the government at this moment. This problem should have taken care by the government seriously, otherwise, our next generation will be affected by disease and will not see the green trees growth. Facing this problem, the government should responsible to overcome and find the best solution.
arifin rito w
IMPACTS OF TELEVISION FOR CHILDREN
Television is one of the most important sources of information besides internet, magazine and radio. It plays a very significant role in people everyday lives. Everybody can 't imagine that in our live thre is no television. In indonesia you can find television in each houses. Inspite of good impacts, television has some bad impacts to the children.
Good impacts of television give a lot of benevit for children's way of study. They will enlarge their knowledge not only from teachers but also the information which the television are given. Some private television broadcase the lesson that is concerning with school materials. Matematics, biology, english and other subjcts are evaluable in the evening broadcasting so the children can easier to improove their knowledge.
Bad impacts of television is also important to be paid attantion, since it gives no benevit for our children. As people know that it influences the children's way of study and atitue in their live. They will be lazy to study the lessons what they have got from school becouse of too much television series. they will be eddicted with the television series, feel sleepy when studying the books and ironically imitate the bad character from the film.
For conclusion, television has both bad and good impacts which need to be paid more attantion by their parents, but parents must be more wish for this problem. Parents must acompany their children when they are watching television and give good exampels for their children in watching television.
GLOBALIZATION IN COMMUNICATION
Globalization says whole the world, it means what happens in certain places, might be possible to happen in other part of the world. One effect of globalization is communication. Communication occurs in many places such as home, public places, hospital, and gas station. Nowadays people hold their own communication devices such as mobile phone and internet for this reason we have to prepare ourselves to be good men to deal with the modern communication even though we get bad effects of communication it self.
In term of communication development, Indonesia government has attempted many afford to make all communication reached by people easily, hence we can use the entire communication device as easy as possible, however many people here are lack of modern technology knowledge. Technology in accordance with communication, there fore people try to be an expert in communication moreover they will get a lot of benefits in using communication such as they can do their business through internet.
All in all, it is undeniable fact that by using the communication correctly, we can get a lot of benefits, thus from now on we have to use the communication devise wisely by searching the valid sources.
SGT KETUT PASEK
to : LT Estie ( Ice Tea )
Air Pollution In Indonesia
Air pollution is perhaps Indonesia's most severe environmental problem. Motor vehicles are one of the sources of air pollution in Indonesia. Many of these vehicles are motorcycles or scooter, which lack of the catalyctic (catalytic) converters to avoid or to reduce emissions. Forest fire also one of the sources of air pollution, which is result from (caused by) illegal logging of indonesia’s (Indonesia’s) rain forests. It causes the forest burned and producing a haze. As a result, Indonesia face (faces or faced) a number of serious problems dealing with air pollution.
Air pollution has a very serious impact on public health, for instance, inflammation of the respiratory tract, which is the sixth causing of the death in indonesia ( Indonesia ) after accidents, diarrhea, cardiovascular disease, tuberculosis and measles. Moreover, the children in Indonesia have high enough potential to be affected in their cognitive development which is caused by air pollution. So far, the government has been done such a good step, for instance, by giving some instruction through the media how to use and take care of motor vehicles in order to reduce the air pollution.
Air pollution is the bigest (biggest) problem that faced by the government at this moment. This problem should have taken care by the government seriously, otherwise, our next generation will be affected by disease and will not see the green trees growth. Facing this problem, the government should responsible to (responsible for) overcome and find the best solution.
No fatal error found because I closed my eyes when I read your writing , just be more careful, Don’t think about me too much, I’m afraid you’ll fall in love with me ( ntar kacau donk ) , ok darling..?
( from Blitar with Love, Harry S, LT; pangdiv061@yahoo.co.id )
Lieutenant Esti
Air Pollution In Indonesia
Air pollution is perhaps (one of) Indonesia's most severe environmental problem (s). (supporting sentences ? - e.g. More than 56 percent of Jakarta citizen have lungs illness.)The number of Motor vehicles are one of the sources of air pollution in Indonesia. Many of these vehicles are motorcycles or scooter (s) , which lack of the catalyctic converters to avoid or to reduce emissions. Forest fire also one of the sources of air pollution, which is result from ( caused by ) illegal logging of indonesia's rain forests. It causes the forest burned and producing a haze (produces). As a result, Indonesia face (faces) a number of serious problems dealing with air pollution.
Air pollution has a very serious impact on public health, for instance, inflammation of the respiratory tract, which is the sixth causing of the death in indonesia after accidents, diarrhea (s), cardiovascular disease (s), tuberculosis and measles. Moreover, the children (children in general, omit “the“) in Indonesia have high enough ( high ) potential to be affected in their cognitive development which is caused by air pollution. So far, the government has been done ( has been doing ) such a good step, for instance, by giving some instruction through the media (about) how to use and take care of motor vehicles in order to reduce the air pollution.
Air pollution is the bigest ( biggest ) problem that faced by the government at this moment. This problem should have taken care by the government seriously, otherwise, our next generation will be affected by disease ( s ) and will not see the green trees ( tree always singular ) growth ( grown). Facing this problem, the government should responsible to overcome and find the best solution.
Comments :
1. Beware of using article, and passive voice.
2. You should put supporting sentences to support your main idea in each paragraph.
3. Beware of being tortuous in paragraphs.
The Benefits of Joint Exercise within Indonesian Armed forces
Have you ever (been) noticed that joint exercises conducted by Indonesian armed forces with other potential military partners still call many contradictory questions to answer? The basic idea of joint exercises refers (to) military events in which military personnel are deployed to train. By this opinion, the writer argues that joint exercises (were) held by our military institutions with other counterparts reveal great long term benefits to obtain. I am going to clarify certain factors contributing to the awesome long term benefits of joint exercises within our armed forces namely the nature of joint exercises, the advantages and the role of joint exercises within our armed forces.
According to the National Defense University publication the term (of) joint exercise refers to “high profile, short-term events in which military personnels (personnel) are deployed to train according to a series of scenario or conditions that they might face as a part of their operational duties.’ By this notion, military interactions involve three basic activities namely : field operation exercises, command post exercises and seminars. The first type deals exactly with actual operation exercise in the field focusing on the improvement of military skills rather than the decision (in) making procedures. The second term often relies on computer applications guiding the decision makers through a series of scenarios. It is normally held in one central location like armed force headquarters. The third concentrates more on the skill and knowledge exchange through lecture and classroom style discussions. Hence the three basic activities of joint exercises are obviously high in terms of operational cost and personnel deployment.
The advantages of joint exercises cover some integral areas that they can perform as intensive empowerment of military facilities and training through the exchange of military skills and knowledge with other foreign military partners. In addition to this advantage, joint exercises often show off the actual power of our military abilities and those foreign military partners as well. In fact, joint exercises also give benefits in building the interpersonal relationship between neighboring countries like one held by Indonesia navy with US naval force in July 2005. The program called CARAT stands for Cooperation Afloat Readiness Training. US employs three combat ships, one aircraft carrier and a group of coast guard training team.
The roles of joint exercises indeed replies for four basic benefits namely : Improving the interoperability ( the ability of unit to provide services, to accept the services from other units or forces and to apply those services exchanged so that those units are able to operate together effectively) of Indonesian Armed forces and its military counterparts. Furthermore they also construct interpersonal relationship and force collaboration. Joint exercises often give confidence building measures between neighboring countries. The last role is that if they involve (in) infrastructure (of) constructions ,joint exercises serve a tangible example of armed forces commitment to the development of the country .
Shortly speaking joint exercises indeed reveals great long term benefits to get if the missions planned accomplished successfully. They enrich not only the military skills and knowledge but also some critical factors contributing the long term relationship between countries for the forthcoming years.
By : Siti Rejeki DIBI
Hello Siti,
You have already written your essay perfectly, however there are still a bit error on grammar. If you did more careful, I belief that you would get the best in your writing.
Lieutenamt Asat
THE EFFECT OF TELEVISION
Now,more ever than ever,Television has become common to thousands people in Indonesia.Eventhough the development of Internet,TV has still become one of a crucial sources to get the latest information.Based on the statement above, I would like to discuss about the advantages or disadvantages of watching television.
There are many variety programs can be seen by people in 24 hours,like sports,news,Infotainments,and music. So that TV has a significant role in daily activities.as result,practically all people want to spend their time infront of the TV wacthing their favourite program.Normally, everyone argues with their own opinion that TV can give them many adventages in their life,for instance,getting latest information from all over the world like crime news,sport news,life style from the other countries ect. TV also provides Infotainment programs that it can waste our leasure time especially after finishing daily work.But the most important point that TV be able to open the area of thinking.On the other hand, TV also provides some programs that is inapproprite for our children development,for example,crime news,Infotainments,mistic programs and violence programs like WCW that was anounced by one of private tv stastions.Recently ,we heard one of the bad impacts from TV for the children that they adopted WCW ( free boxing)style without any guide from the expert,so they got injured.
In conclusion,what ever the program that is wacthed by children, we ,as adult or parents, must guide them and give them explanation of the program. We tell them that is an appropriate or inappropriate program for them, so we can minimize the bad impact of TV program especially for our children.
Comments :
1. “Eventhough the development of Internet….” Is not appropriate because after “ Eventhough” should be sentence not a phrase.
2. “… in daily activities. As a result…”
3. “…in front of the TV…”
4. “…getting the lattest …”
5. “…etc.”
6. “…that TV be able to open…”, add tobe before “..be able to..”
7. “..some programs that are inappropriate..”
8. “…children’s development…”
9. “…guidance…”
10. “…guide and give them explanation about the program.” Use only one “them”
11. “…tell them what is appropriate…”
These are some feedback based on my knowledge, correct me if I am wrong
If I may give comment on your writing sir…
And please correct me if I’m wrong
(1’st LT.Ferrel , A1 class)
SergeantSuhendi
Modern Technology.
To obtain their second daily needs, people have discovered some new methods since the twentieth century.(what is the supporting sentence , what needs?) Every country modernize some things (what things?)in many aspects such as in transportation, communication, defense force systems, and so on. Accordingly, they get a lot of benefits from modern technology which can conduct a variety of goals in the community and global society. In contrast, there are some disadvantages of modern technology that creates terrible impact for people.
Consequently(?), some people have explored and exploited modern technology in good behavior. For example in communication, albeit citizens live in remote area, thus they are able to converse with each other anyway. Moreover(,) people can learn current issues all over the world easily and rapidly because of modern technology. On the other hand, some bad impacts occurred in the society due to modern technology. For instance, some countries compete with each other in implementing and exploiting recent technology which end up in dispute or war (is(as) the last decision(result).) I think you could omit this because it makes the reader confused or change ‘is’ with ‘as’ and ‘decision’ with ‘result’
To conclude, we realize that “actually” (I believe this is not the right place to put the word) modern technology is (ACTUALLY ) very important and useful in the community and global environment. Nevertheless, it depends on humans’ behavior in determining and exploiting methods of modern technology.
Modern Technology.
To obtain their second daily needs, people have discovered some new methods since the twentieth century.( Supporting sentence ? For example ..”one of the new method is …) Every country modernize some things ( what things you’re talking about ? Give explanation to it ) many aspects such as in transportation, communication, defense force systems, and so on. Accordingly, they get a lot of benefits ( such as ?…) from modern technology which can conduct a variety of goals in the community and global society. In contrast, there are some disadvantages of modern technology that creates terrible impact for people.
Consequently ( ? ), some people have explored and exploited modern technology in good behavior. For example in communication, albeit citizens live in remote area, thus they are able to converse with each other anyway. Moreover people can learn current issues all over the world easily and rapidly because of modern technology. On the other hand, some bad impacts occurred in the society due to modern technology. For instance, some countries compete with each other in implementing and exploiting recent technology which end up in dispute or war is the last decision ( what does that mean?)
To conclude, we realize that actually ( we realize that modern technology is actually very important ) modern technology is very important and useful in the community and global environment. Nevertheless, it depends on humans’ behavior in determining and exploiting methods of modern technology.
Comments :
1. To make the main topic clearer, put the supporting sentence also.
2. Only minor mistakes, so keep up the good work mate !
JULIA. DIBI
How to take care ( of )our children
In ( a ) family community, there is( are? ) the ( ? ) rule (roles?)for parents that is ( those are? ) how to take care
( of ) the children. As a mother, we must be patience to give our kid(s) knowledge as much as possible. Not only the mother ( who )will care for their children but also (the) father can do the same thing. Usually, the mother is more capable than the father who ( because she ?) has ( more ) experience(s) to handle their children(’s) problems.
Parents must be conscious to give education(s) for their children. In fact, (a) father as ( is?) the leader in(of ?)his family community(,) so he has to be decision maker what he wants ( to ) do. Moreover, the father must be a good personal for his children and also his wife. If the father wants his family ( to ) be successfully (successful) in (is?)forever, thus, he has to give a good example for everything. As a father(, he) always give(s) direction for(to?) his wife and his wife will be ( ?) conduct all directions for their children. For instance, if the father always busy in his job so he must consider to take care ( of ) their family through his wife. Accordingly, the children always care ( of )their parents.
In summary, we conscious( realize? ) that the welfare of family community that is depending (depends? ) on the parents to( who? ) take care ( of)their children. Children(’s) have a ( ? ) good behaviour (s) which( ? ) means ( a ) reflection of the ( their ) parents(’) background.
May 29, 2007 12:09 PM
Suggestions:
-Please omit the underlined words and change into the words with question marks in brackets
-I’m not good at English, I’m pretty sure that my corrections are not perfect yet, NO HEART FEELING MATE!
GLOBALIZATION IN COMMUNICATION
Globalization says whole the world, it means what happens in certain places, might be possible to happen in other part of the world. One effect of globalization is communication. Communication occurs in many places such as home, public places, hospital, and gas station. Nowadays people hold their own communication devices such as mobile phone and internet for this reason we have to prepare ourselves to be good men to deal with the modern communication even though we get bad effects of communication it self.
In term of communication development, Indonesia government has attempted many afford to make all communication reached by people easily, hence we can use the entire communication device as easy as possible, however many people here are lack of modern technology knowledge. Technology in accordance with communication, there fore people try to be an expert in communication moreover they will get a lot of benefits in using communication such as they can do their business through internet.
All in all, it is undeniable fact that by using the communication correctly, we can get a lot of benefits, thus from now on we have to use the communication devise wisely by searching the valid sources.
Dear Sergeant,
I am sure that you have already done your best effort on this lovely assignment. However, I should have thought that you make some sentences too long by using more than one transition in one sentence. For example, at the 1st sentence of the 2nd paragraph, ‘hence’ and ‘however’ are used. And at the 2nd sentence, you used ‘therefore’ and then ‘moreover”. And I believe that each transition that you used in a sentence has a different function, as hence is used to introduce an effect or result, on the other hand, however introduce an opposite idea.
I am sincerely sure that even my feedback is full with mistakes, but I believe that we must not to be perfect first before giving useful input to everyone.
Regards,
JULIA. DIBI
How to take care our children
In family community, there is the(a) rule for parents that is(about) how to take care the children. As a mother, we must be patience to give our kid knowledge as much as possible. Not only the mother will care for their children but also father can do the same thing. Usually, the mother is more capable than the father who has experience to handle their children problems.
Parents must be conscious to give education for their children. In fact, father as the leader in his family community so he has to be decision maker what he wants do. Moreover, the father must be (have)a good personality for his children and also his wife. If the father wants his family to be success(fully) in forever, thus, he has to give a good example for everything. As a father always give direction for his wife and his wife will be conduct all directions for their children. For instance, if the father always busy in his job so he must consider to take care their family through his wife. Accordingly, the children always care their parents.
In summary, we conscious that the welfare of family community that is depending(depends) on the parents to take care their children. Children have a good behaviour which means reflection of the parents background.
Comment:
a. Mam.. Based on my opinion, your writing is not well organized since there is no correlation between the topic and the explanation. At the beginning of the introduction,it’s clear to me that you want to explain about how to take care of children.However,your explanation talks about the profile of a good parents instead of conveying the idea about the actions should be taken in taking care of children.
b. There are some problems with the grammar and structure.
Since I am a teacher, I give the feed back based on my knowledge as a student,I’m sorry if I make mistakes.No heart feeling….
JULIA. DIBI
How to take care ( of ) our children ( preposition is needed after take care )
In family community, there is ( are ) the ( a / rules ) rule for parents that is how to take care ( of their ) the children. As a mother, we must be patience to give our kid ( children ) knowledge as much as possible. Not only the mother will care for their children but also father can do the same thing. Usually, the mother is more capable than the father to handle ( in handling ) their children problems.
Parents must be conscious to give education for their children. In fact, father as the leader in his family community so he has to be decision maker what he wants do. Moreover, the father must be a good personal ( person )for his children and also his wife. If the father wants his family be successfully in forever, thus, he has to give a good example for everything. As a father always give direction for his wife and his wife will be conduct all directions for their children. For instance, if the father always busy in his job so he must consider for ( of ) take ( taking ) care ( of )their family through his wife.
In summary, we conscious that the welfare of family community that is ( omit that is and use depends on )depending on the parents to take care ( of ) their children. Children have a good behaviour ( behavior) which means reflection of the parents background.
Dear Mam….
With all my respect … to be honest…I don’t see any good in your writing. It’s not well organized, no coherence, no connection between idea and explanation. You make some mistakes on grammar and structure as well. I’m really sorry if I make mistakes
THE EFFECT OF TELEVISION
Now, more ever than ever, Television has become common to thousands (of) people in Indonesia. (Despite) the development of Internet, TV has still become one of crucial sources to get the latest information. Based on the statement above, I would like to discuss about the advantages (and) disadvantages of watching television. There are many variety programs can be seen by people in 24 hours, like sports, news, Infotainments, and music. Therefore, TV has a significant role in daily activities. As (a) result, practically, all people want to spend their time in front of TV watching their favorite program. Normally, everyone argues with their own opinion that TV can give them many advantages in their life, for instance, getting latest information from all over the world like crime news, sport news, life style from the other countries, etc. TV also provides Infotainment programs that it can waste our leisure time especially after finishing daily work. But the most important point (is) that TV (is) able to open the area of thinking. On the other hand, TV also provides some programs that inappropriate for our children development, for example, crime news, Infotainments, mystic programs, and violence programs like WCW that was announced by one of private TV station. Recently, we heard one of the bad impacts from TV for the children that they adopted WCW (free boxing) style without any guide from the expert, so they got injured.
In conclusion, what ever the program that is watched by children, we, as adult or parents, must guide them and give them explanation of the program. We (should) tell them (whether) (it) is an appropriate or inappropriate program for them, so we can minimize the bad impact of TV program especially for our children.
To Asat...
Basically, your writing is not bad at all. At least I still can understand what you are talking about. However, there are still few mistakes in spelling words. I’m not correcting your grammar as my grammar is not better than yours. Oh yeah, your using a lot of TV word, perhaps you should change it with other similar word. And words in brackets are only additions that, in my opinion, are correct. No heart feeling okay…
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